I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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