im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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