I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
