She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
