...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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