I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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