I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
