I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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