Where is the hickey?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
