Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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