I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
