hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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