Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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