i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
