How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
