I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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