My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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