If that was your dad, he is hot
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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