btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
