Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
