If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
