just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.