I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We're too hungover to prance.