it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.