Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult