Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine