Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dating After Heartbreak
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up