I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
