just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
