Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
