"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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