1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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