just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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