I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
