I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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