Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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