wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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