That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
