I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
