I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
