and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize