So drunk its hurt
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She announced her abortion via fbk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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