i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
