Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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