ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
