I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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