i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
