like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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