Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
