Where are you?
In a non slutty way
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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