need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
