My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize