Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
