if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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