I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
