my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
