when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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