420 ftw
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
