Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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