One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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