All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
