Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
