Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
